14. Chicobali Buddha and An Oreo Cookie

I need to remind myself to forget more often because I have a tendency not to do that, to forget.  I was talking to Aaron and Ethan (who are in Bali now) and listening to them describe the distortion of time that occurs when you remove yourself from a daily routine and plant yourself in a place without one.  It doesn't take long to forget the habitual lives most of us lead if you're in the right place to do that. Someplace like Bali.  Or Chico.

I moved to Chico for a variety of reasons.  Lower cost of living.  Fresh water sources instead of that big one with salt.  A deck to sleep on to assist the transition.  One son and his buddies who live with the deck.  And a clean slate.  No one in Chico knew who I was, or cared.  Most importantly, no false narrative existed for folks to impose on me.  There's just truth and the choice to live it.  It's been over a decade since that was an option.

I introduced myself to the Chico community by exposing my narrative a piece at a time, and it was accepted.  It was held up against my behavior and verified, and each time that happened my community expanded.   It took a long time, but I began to feel Human again.  It was like taking a months leave from work to cowabunga in Bali.    

Hmm?  What were we talking about?  Right.  Forgetting.  

We were talking about the importance of decluttering your mind.  We were talking about how it's good practice to uproot yourself from the routine of life once in awhile, long enough to remember yourself without one.  It's good practice to hit pause, and reflect.   

There's the "you" you are when the wave you're riding is the wave of roles, and routine.  And there's  another "you" that is the bedrock for all of the versions you've been, and the ones that will follow.  It's what's left when the routines and labels that define you, fall away.   It's good practice to step off the treadmill and reconsider what gives your life meaning. Or redefine it, altogether.

I don't know if Life actually has a meaning.  If it does, I can't say what it is.  But I do know this.  If there is one it's not exclusive to the space that wears us down, or the one that builds us up.  It's somewhere in between.  It's not in what we remember about where we found joy or sorrow.  It's in the stuff that gets lost, or eludes us.  It's in the forgetting.  It's in what a trip to Bali, or a move to Chico,  can prompt its re-emerging.

We must forget what we determine to be good or bad within us.   We must forget what we’ve been told to be ashamed of, or to apologize for, especially if someone else hid behind it.  No one who claims to speak with authority knows for certain what is black, or what's white.  In fact, if they claim to, it's likely they don't. 

Forget what you think you know about what's good, or what's bad.  There's no such thing outside of how we define it. There's what you can confront and what you might not be able to, because it's still too daunting.  Learn to embrace both equally, with forgiveness, and with love.  Do this even if no one else will.  Especially if no one else will.  You are who you are because all of what's in you collapses and converges, together. 

Buddha found peace by bringing what's different so close it had no choice but to see it was the same, not by standing what's different apart.  So did Nabisco with the Oreo cookie.  Crispy chocolte wafer, meet soft vanilla cream.  There is no harmony in separation.  Only in blending together.  Life of responsibility and obligation, meet being present in the moment.  Chill out and be here, where you are.  Forget all that other shit.  

You.

Are.

ALIVE.