A Day In The Life, My Life, Now That My Life Is Over

 I'm a big fan of reflection, more specifically, self-reflection.  If you need a big exhale, or just a little forgiveness, or even absolute liberation, try being honest with yourself.  Acknowledge your life as it actually is instead of the way you portray it.  And do so without judgment.  If you're happy, the way you're choosing to live is right for you. Anyone critical of those choices can simply fuck off.

There is no model for a 'good' or 'accomplished' life even if the masses subscribe to a societal norm.  Life is an experience, not a showcase. It's not an audition or a practice run.  It isn't meant to be measured or compared to anyone else's.  It's meant to be lived in a fashion that allows you to express yourself and manifest your uniqueness.  That's hard to do if you're perpetually pursuing something you can't see or don't want.  

If you take time for self-reflection you'll learn to state the things you genuinely need or want.  You'll learn how to meet those needs on your own.  You'll demand less from others.  You'll become more present for interactions.  You'll be more accepting of yourself.  You'll be grounded.

Activity and motion limit the field of awareness to the singular space of transition between two moments. Let's use surfing as an example. You can't ride a wave if you focus on it's depth or expanse.  You focus on it's edge.  You focus on the seam between the water giving shape to the wave, and what is still the skin of the ocean.  

You must be still to see what shape a thing takes to effectively engage it.  I haven't engaged  in much since I moved to Chico, and I'm happy living that kind of life.  I don't have ambitions to become something better than I am in this moment.  I don't want to impress anyone but myself, and I do so regularly.  I don't crave status or attention, nor am I ashamed of lacking both.  

I don't want or need a partner. I don't yearn for relationship.  I don't have the energy required to sustain one. And I'm done being used.  I'm done being discarded.  I'm happy by myself here at the ranch with the horses, and the people who own them.  I'm happy with the companionship of a needy cat. I'm content. I'm grateful.  I'm blessed.

I have as much work as I want so I do as much as it takes to keep loving it and avoid burnout, or pressure.  I have enough time each day to nap if I want to, or binge watch TV shows or movies.  I have hobbies that allow me to be creative and a schedule that's never full. I don't need to carve out 'me' time.  I have balance.

I pay rent by performing labor, and I get a $290 per month benefit for food because I'm poor.  I use an electric bike for transportation.  Even if I'm not making money my basic needs are met.  That's liberating.  Repose and reflection are free.  They're refreshing and humbling.  They're enormously fulfilling.

My life is simple, monastic.  It's rewarding.  It suits me better than the busy, scheduled life I lived before.  The things that seem to make a lot of others happy left me feeling encumbered.  They were suffocating me when I had them.  I don't have shit now.  I can breathe again.