Be Well, Bro.

 I got an email from Kevin wishing me a happy birthday and expressing an interest in trying to reconnect before we turned into dust.  I said great let's do it and said what I've always said.  I said the only condition I've ever had for reconnection is that he hear my story.  If he says 'no' he's telling me it has no value.  If the narrative of my life and the events that shaped it are of no value to him then I won't be either.  We are our stories and we all deserve to have our stories heard and honored.  He said okay.

I sent him a portion of it and he did what he's done since I was arrested.  He told me I was full of the same old crap.  He said he was sorry all that stuff happened to me but didn't take responsibility for the 'stuff' he was a part of or participated in.  He didn't offer an apology.  He said I had abandoned him and not the other way around.

I pointed out to him I've never restricted his access to me and he was always welcome to call, and always has been.  He never did call, and I wasn't allowed to contact him, or Susie, so the ball has been in his court like he wanted.  Hell, he never even told me he had kids.  I pointed out he was still accepted by other family members and that he had participated in 'family meetings' where they all agreed I wouldn't be.  I pointed out he still had somewhere to go during holidays or on vacations and I didn't.  I had nowhere to go and haven't for the past twenty years.  I told him it was concerning to me that he couldn't see the difference.

I told him I'd willingly participate in joint therapy together, with a qualified therapist who would remain objective.  I said that to him a number of times and each time I said it he ignored me. I said if he was sincere about wanting repair and reconnection joint counseling could facilitate it.  I'm all in if you are, I said.  But he wasn't.    Every time I suggested counseling as a viable way to fix things he ignored me or responded with his usual cold, impersonal reply.  "Be well, Pat.  Be well."  Okay, sure, I'll do that.

I told him if he ever wanted to reach out again in the future he was welcome to do so.  I told him if he did I'd tell the truth again, and be real with him, like I've been.  I told him if he couldn't handle that not to contact me again.  I told him I didn't need a 'space' like he did for superficialities like birthday wishes, or holiday greetings.

A couple therapy hours seemed like a small but reasonable ask for a complicated reconnection.  It seemed like a small sacrifice to make to be Brothers again.  It would be hard, I said, and painful, but I'd do it.  For whatever reason, he wouldn't.  If I am full of crap, I said, I'll own it.  But not if it's him saying so.  Let's see if an objective mental health professional says so too, I said.  And he ignored me, again.  Truth is he knows I'm not full of crap and counseling would validate that.  He knows his actions and behavior would be called out and identified as dysfunctional and habitual.  He knows he'd have to own it like I have, and he knows he doesn't have the courage or humility to do that.  He knows that I do.  So he ignores me.

Be well, Kevin.  Be very, very well.