I don't know if this is true in other countries, but in America we have a saying: “Find your voice.” It's a testimony to the belief that each of us is unique, and living an authentic life is the primary obligation of those granted the opportunity to experience one. It assumes we understand we're a small but integral part of a much, much bigger picture. If we fail to add our color to the overall composition, it may collapse. I subscribe to this belief.
Finding your voice seems to have less to do with choosing a way to express it than it does cultivating faith. An adopted voice, or role in the world, requires you to create the space to hold it. A voice discovered in the preordained essence of who you are, on the other hand, will see the world open up to meet it. It will transform the same way the boundary of a river becomes a tributary to the new direction of the water within it. The shape it takes is determined by what it was created to contain because it is meant to be there.
It took me over forty years to allow my authentic self to speak because I was afraid I’d lose everything I had if I actually did. I didn’t understand that those things had to be lost. You can’t live in truth if everything around you was attracted by fiction.
I've had the privilege of watching you grow, and all three of you have grown a lot. You won't have to wait until you're forty for your voice to emerge because you've been emerging through it. That's a testimony to the faith you have whether you know it, or not. I was in awe of your ability to do that. Each one of you.
Some of me, in my own voice, has been left here for you if you want it. There are pointless remarks, spontaneous musings that go nowhere, excerpts from things i've written, fly on the wall moments, and me at home alone talking to you.
This is me speaking to you from the Great Beyond. A little creepy, but I’m gonna do it. Maybe I'll get to see you there someday. In any case, your life is your own now, even if it has always been.
This is me showing you that I found my voice with complete strangers when my family and friends told me I couldn't use my. I was heard. I was acknowledged. I was validated. I was believed. Just not by the people who said they'd be there for me. The ones who said they loved me. The truth is they weren't and they didn't. I'm glad I learned those things when I did. So much more time would have been wasted.
I’m grateful for the time we shared, and the influence you’ve been. Thank you for adding joy to my life, and being my travel companions on Earth. Dear Aaron, Ethan, and Aidan. My sons. I love you so, so much.
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