18. The Genius of Being a Moron

I don't have a lot fun.   I usually have something pressing to do.   Not because I'm important, or because I take myself too seriously, which I do.  I don't have a lot of fun because I don't think I deserve any.   That's messed up, even for a messed up guy like me.

 We all have thoughts that run through our minds like an undercurrent in a river, thoughts that control every surface ripple, every swirl,  every contour.  Thoughts that convince us whether we're bad or good, just or unjust, pretty or ugly, smart or dumb.  Thoughts that shape self perception. Thoughts we buy into when deciding who we are.

Unfortunately, many of those thoughts are unoriginal.  They're born out of comments made by others with ulterior motives, or just plain bad ones.  The moron tells the genius he's stupid, not because he actually is, but because he knows he isn't.   The moron knows he's a moron.  He also knows how much work it would  take to change that if he could, but can't, because he's a moron.  It would require more effort than convincing the other that they're the bigger idiot, so that's what morons do.  And for whatever reason, some of the so called geniuses  believe them.  Most moron's aren't as moronic as we think.

I don't have a lot of fun because someone told me I've done too much damage to others to deserve any.  Someone told me that so many times, I still don't know what's true.  Don't worry, I'll abstain from having any fun in public until I know the truth.  I'll keep my fun to myself and only have it in privacy, like I've always done.  Just so you know, however, I have a shit ton of fun. I mean, like a lot. Like laugh out loud we should do this more often kind of fun.  All of you 'geniuses' think on that one awhile. Fricken morons, you really should go out and play more often.